


What Might Have Been

by Dagonet (AgentDagonet)



Series: Vaguely Magical 'Verse [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Harry Potter Fusion, Implied Harry/Merlin, M/M, Pre-Eggsy/Merlin, kind of follows from Closure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22148086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentDagonet/pseuds/Dagonet
Summary: ‘I do wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself.’ Harry sighed from his portrait frame, head held in his hands as Merlin downed another potion before returning to his computer.‘Well, I don’t see any real reason not to at this point, Harry- what else do I have to live for, but this Organisation? And, given those circumstances, I am never going to do less than my absolute best for them. Even if they never have any idea of what all I’ve done for them.’ Merlin took a stopper from a miniscule phial and breathed in before closing it back up and turning to breathe deeply from the fumes of the cauldron sat in front of him.
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin, Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Series: Vaguely Magical 'Verse [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/233637
Kudos: 14





	What Might Have Been

‘I do wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself.’ Harry sighed from his portrait frame, head held in his hands as Merlin downed another potion before returning to his computer.

‘Well, I don’t see any real reason not to at this point, Harry- what else do I have to live for, but this Organisation? And, given those circumstances, I am never going to do less than my absolute best for them. Even if they never have any idea of what all I’ve done for them.’ Merlin took a stopper from a miniscule phial and breathed in before closing it back up and turning to breathe deeply from the fumes of the cauldron sat in front of him.

‘Perfect.’

‘I have no idea how you can make those concoctions without a scrap of magic in you.’

‘Potions are as much science as anything else- the magic is in the ingredients. It doesn’t require a wand to brew, just to collect the items, and our new Galahad is more than willing to procure those items for me.’ Merlin set to bottling the potion, the substance now indistinguishable from water and setting the bottles into the dispenser against the wall. ‘Veritaserum is one of the things of most use in our line or work- we don’t need the kind of thing admissible in court- we just need the truth as it pertains to the situations at hand.’

‘Would you be doing this, had I not gone off to Kentucky?’ The portrait spoke sadly, observing the ungodly amounts of sweat pouring from the man who was steadfastly ignoring him. Most nights Harry would have let it be- but tonight was the end of that. ‘When they said there was no fury like a woman scorned I am certain that they had not encountered you in a strop.’

‘A _STROP_?! Harry Hart if you weren’t already dead I would kill you where you stood for that shit. You try goin’ on after everything and everyone you’ve ever loved is gone and try to do as well as I’ve done. I’ve  _ always _ been a man of few tethers but they have been  _ fierce _ and now they are  _ gone. _ ’ Harry simply stared sadly at the man who couldn’t help but heave breath in his direction.

‘The problem, Merlin, is that you seem to only see the tethers you’ve set, and not the ones that others have punched into you.’ And perhaps that was true, but that didn’t make it any easier a thing to hear from the little that remained of his closest friend.

‘Keep talkin’ and I’ll get the paint thinner from the closet.’

‘Empty threats, darling, I’ve long since gotten your number. You’re one of those unfortunate people who would rather have someone insult you than be ignored- much like our young Eggsy.’ Merlin turned back to his unkempt desk to begin cleaning up his supplies as an excuse not to see the smug look he was positive adorned Harry’s face.

‘I am sorry, you know. For leaving things as I did.’ Merlin stopped, dropped the ingredients to the tabletop and pressed both hands to the surface with his head stooped below his shoulders.

‘Must you.’

‘I’ve allowed for this to go on for too long as it is- I may only be an Impression of the man, but I do remember the vast majority of my life until Kentucky. And I am personally incredibly grateful that I don’t have the ability to personally recall that event and instead must rely upon footage. But, more to the point, I remember the argument we never truly settled.’

‘Drop it Harry, please. I don’t need-’

‘Need has nothing to do with this, Merlin- you  _ deserve _ an answer. And, perhaps, it will be more painful than the unknown but at least you can begin to heal from the wound.’

‘... Fine.’

‘I loved you, wholly and truly and in a way that frankly scares me even now. The kind of love that I would topple kingdoms to protect, that the great epics are written about- and that terrified me. So I pushed back and down played and disparaged such connections as often and loudly as possible so as to keep the moment I was afraid of from ever arriving.

‘I was convinced, you see, that there was no way you would or even could ever see me as anything beyond a thorn in your side. And for that I am so sorry, because I managed to achieve the one thing i had set out to prevent- causing you pain I could do nothing to soothe.’

‘You certainly had no problem causing me endless amounts of frustration by ignoring instructions and otherwise making a mess where there ought to have been no one the wiser to your presence.’

‘It kept your attention on me.’ Harry said simply, and Merlin huffed a sad laugh.

‘It was never anywhere else, you daft fool.’

‘I wish I had ever been as secure in that knowledge as you are- perhaps, then, I’d have made a few different choices along the way. But, chances are that I would have ruined you, ruined us, and then where would Kingsman be?

‘Maybe a bit farther along this strange transformation than it currently is.’ Merlin attempted to change the subject, and Harry sighed heavily. He didn’t know how to get through to Merlin, through this stiff outer shell of his Work and in to the wounded man hiding beneath- but that didn’t mean he was going to stop trying. The longer Harry went without speaking, the looser Merlin’s stature became; he went back to packing up his things, shoulders lower than they had been, and paused briefly on his way from the room.

‘I think you give yourself too much credit for my bits and pieces, Hart. But… thanks, for telling me. Let’s never talk about this again.’

‘Of course, Merlin.’ Harry lied as the room fell back into darkness, and he exited his frame to follow Merlin down the hall and to his office.

‘So, Merls, you done cookin’ with the paintings?’ Eggsy sprung into existence shortly after Merlin finished locking the door behind him, and Harry hid a laugh behind a hand as he threw an arm about Merlin’s shoulders despite their height difference.

Maybe, with a bit of persistence, he’d see what was in front of him instead of what he’d lost.

**Author's Note:**

> When I said I was back on my bullshit, I meant it. I have managed to write more in the past two months than in the year previous and I am so excited to share it all with you!
> 
> As always, you can find me on tumblr at [AgentDagonet](http://www.agentdagonet.tumblr.com)


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